I thought maybe blogging would help ease the pain, so here we go.
Last time I saw you I wasn’t feeling well, I sensed that something was troubling you. I thought you were just overworked and burnt out. I never thought that the last time I saw you would be the last time. The month of August 2017 will stand out forever in my mind as our final visits. I say visits because I had trouble shaking what was determined to be the summer flu. I thought it was my sinuses acting up; you asked one question that cleared up the confusion right away, you asked me, have you been aching? Yes. You responded it is the summer flu, one question and answer solved the problem.
January 6, 2018, you chose to leave this earth behind for a better life in heaven. I can’t imagine what you were struggling with to make you think that there was no hope. I wish that there were a simple question and answer for you to solve your problem as you did for me that way it wouldn’t have to be the end for you your family, friends, colleagues and us the patients you have treated over the years.
I have been through shock, anger, sadness, and confusion over the past four days. I have been your patient since elementary school; I am now 36 years old. My family and I estimate that we’ve been with you ever since you started practicing in Sunset 24 years ago. You have taught me a fundamental lesson through you leaving us, doctors have the power to heal through God, yet they are human, and they have their struggles.
Thank you for always treating me with dignity and respect.
Well, I can’t say goodbye to you, I will just say I will see you later.
sincerely, Jessica Lormand
In loving memory of Dr. John Scott Sibille
March 20, 1964 – January 6, 2018
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6 NIV.
I love this verse; it’s been sticking out to me lately. I’m tired of worrying about every little thing. My New Year’s resolution is to keep reminding myself of Philippians chapter 4 verse 6.
God has been good to my family and me through the good times, bad times and in between times. I admit some of the times were challenging, but you know where I find peace every single day of the year? The Bible and worship music. Let me tell you; I’ve been hungry and thirsty for years on a spiritual level. I finally quenched that severe hunger and thirst in 2016 when I started reading the Bible for the first time all the way through. You know what I found at the end of that journey? God and Jesus with open arms.
Let me remind you again how I felt lost, even while reading the Bible. I felt the devil continuously trying to keep me in the dark. I was doing things I wasn’t proud of, every time I tried to break out of my chains, it seemed that new ones would form an even tighter bond.
It wasn’t until I confessed my sin this past year openly admitting my wrongdoing. The chains finally broke, do I still have struggles, yes, I slipped back a few times, I’ve prayed and asked forgiveness, and it’s made me feel secure against the Devil’s pull.
During my second journey through the Bible in 2017. I got curious about reading the Bible chronologically. I even want to switch versions of the Bible; I want to try reading the NIV version. I am more than excited about this brand-new journey through the Bible. Starting January 1, 2018, I will continue learning God’s word, strengthening my relationship with the alpha and omega.
Can I be honest with you, I thought I was going to read the Bible once, and then consider it done. Let me explain; the Bible is something you have to commit yourself to like a marriage. You can’t say I’ll get to it when I feel like it.it takes a lot to focus on the Bible. If you don’t focus your attention on the Bible, you’ll never get anything out of it. The more read the Bible, the more I appreciate what God has done from the beginning to the end, even if I have to read some chapters more than once to finally get a grasp on what the Bible has to offer.
Why haven’t I been blogging? Simple life goes on; when I first started this blog, I was blogging every day running myself ragged trying to come up with new subjects every day, not including the weekend. It wasn’t fair to you or myself because it started to become more of a hassle instead of something fun and inspiring. I thought I should wait until I became passionate about a subject before writing about it.
If you’ve noticed, I’ve used two blog sites, WordPress.com and blogspot.com. Some of them were easy to write, some of them were heart-wrenching to write. I did something I thought would never do this year I gave an extended family member a voice from beyond the grave when no one understood why I can tell you that there is still a gaping hole in my family’s heart that words cannot fix.
Tarik David, your life’s story will never be forgotten. I know in my heart that you knew Jesus and you are wearing a crown, and you have new clothes of white just as the Bible promises all of us when it’s our turn to answer the call to go home.
This year has had times of celebration, and times of sorrow. Through it all, God has been and will always be there with us.
I’m still celebrating the fact that God blessed me with a brand-new chair this year and a brand-new van, they were both prayed for blessings.
God saw fit to call both my uncle Johnny and aunt Mindy home this past year. Imagine losing both parents so close together; their six children are left to carry on their legacy. Their oldest daughter, Michelle hopes to keep some family traditions alive.
Last but not least, I’ve written about this young warrior way before now and how she won her reward after a hard-fought battle. She may not be with us on earth, but I know she is enjoying her well-deserved reward in heaven. Katie, I have never met you, but I feel like I know you. We will meet in heaven for sure.
Let’s end this on a high note; I am back in workout mode again!I started again November 25, 2017. I didn’t want to wait until the new year began. I’m already feeling fantastic!
May 2018 be filled with an abundance of blessings for everyone! in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen
August 2016 my family’s world gets shattered my cousin Steffan has a brain tumor. Cancer has been messing with family, friends and loved ones for a while now. No matter how many times you hear it. It doesn’t get easier. No matter how much you know about cancer treatments and how they have evolved, it doesn’t get easier. It feels like someone is punching you in the gut over and over again to where you can’t breathe.
My cousin, Steffan’s story, has been told already through The Daily Advertiser, so I feel it’s redundant to say the same story over again. I miss the old days, Steffan and his brothers Jacob, Adam, and Vincent were always together with us, whether it be at our house or their house. We were always doing something together. My mom and their mom are sisters. So you can imagine the bond that was formed between our two families.
Steffan has grown into a responsible adult/family man. He had a steady job as an honest mechanic I say it like that because he fixed cars the way they were supposed to be fixed. Mechanics like that are hard to find these days.
Every time Steffan has a setback during his treatments, which is normal when you’re dealing with cancer. Steffan takes it like a fighter. He is the one calming everybody else down. It’s amazing, every time I see him. I can’t tell that he has been to hell and back, it has been a bumpy road. He has scars to prove it, but he is living life to the fullest, not letting cancer take him down. I could learn a lot from him, seriously, I am older than him, but he is teaching me a lesson or two.
Today I get to say happy birthday to my cousin Steffan. I praise God every day for miracles like this one.
Thank you to all of the oncologists, nurses, and scientists who are helping to fight the different kinds of cancers, it’s because of you that my family, friends and loved ones get to fight longer, and have hope to win their battles.
Lord, I pray that what I’m about to say makes a difference in someone’s life. I pray that family and friends read this with an open mind and open heart I want to show them the real me the unedited real me.
Normal, what is normal? Every time I feel like I’m doing something wrong, someone tells me it’s okay it’s normal. If sinning against God is normal, I don’t want to be normal anymore.
Here is where my honesty comes in when I was a teenager going through growing pains and changes that any teenage girl goes through in life. I started to become curious about certain things the birds and the bees in a relationship sort of way. All I knew is you had to be married to be in a physical relationship. Somewhere along the line, my views got distorted by my raging curiosity about physical relationships. I was more curious than ever before, let me be clear, I was of age and able to make my own decisions. I still wanted to wait until I got married to have a physical relationship with anyone. However, in this day and age, no one is interested in waiting anymore.
Another problem was I would jump ahead of myself. When I met someone, I was honest about what I wanted in a relationship. I was honest about myself. It hurt my heart, it still hurts to this day, knowing that I may never find the right person. I started talking about my curiosities about being physical. I would hear that is normal; it’s okay to feel that way.
I went down a very dark hole; I started wondering what It was like to be in a physical relationship. I turned to the television; I saw things that no one should ever see on television.
Around the time my mom suggested we start going to church. I was still in the dark hole, turning to the television whenever the mood struck. I didn’t broadcast this in public. I was in my little dark hole with no way out. One day Pastor Jeff talked about addictions, he named some things people struggle with every day. He said alcohol, drugs, and pornography. I’m thinking to myself; someone is lying to me, something is wrong with me wanting to watch that on television. Do you know the next day I went back to my normal? Why, because I let the devil take over my mind. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. He kept me down in that dark hole for years.
Recently I started to struggle with my faith; I love reading the Bible, going to church and listening to Christian music, but I felt the disconnection in my heart. I was still going through the motions. However, I didn’t feel it in my heart anymore. I said something is wrong; I started examining everything I was doing in my life. I realized I might have a problem with pornography.
Four days ago today, by the grace of God I stopped watching pornography. Instead of watching television and being tempted, I listen to Christian music until I feel tired enough to fall asleep. I even put the remote to where I have to struggle to get to it.
A few days ago I watched the war room; my Pastors might remember this post because I tagged them in it. Your prayers worked because something has changed in me.
You might be asking yourself why is she putting her dirty laundry out here? Instead of saying I’m not perfect I want to show you how I’m not perfect and how God’s grace has turned my life around. Yes, it’s only been four days, but I feel different already. I realize that I will be tested in certain the ways, but I am determined to pass those tests with flying colors.
I want to thank everyone who reads this from top to bottom; this was very difficult to write because I have opened myself up more than I usually do. I felt it was time to hold myself accountable by revealing my secret life and struggles.
PS I am still more than willing to wait until I get married if and when that ever happens.
My Facebook post after watching the movie War Room
I WANT TO BE A BETTER PRAYER WARRIOR FOR GOD AND THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE! God, please take away all my sins and struggles, just because I am in a wheelchair. It doesn’t exempt me from making bad decisions. Here’s my heart Lord, I give all I have to you please guide me in the right direction. Open my eyes to what’s in the Bible, I just don’t want to read it. I want to feel it in my heart Pastor’s Jeff, Paul, David Crossroads Church family and Facebook family. Please join me in prayer as I start holding myself accountable for my sins.
Have you ever been the one on the outside looking inside? Have you ever been the one wishing you would have had the opportunity to get to know someone?
I’ve been there until today; I went to Katie Mac Gaspard’s celebration of life. Why, because I wanted to meet the girl I was praying for and rallying around when things got tough. No, I don’t think it was too late to meet her. Was it weird? No, there was nothing but love, peace, and family. That’s right I said family I wasn’t related to Katie, nor did I know her, but we were sisters in Christ. That’s all that matters; I was there to support her family because of our relationship with Christ.
Today filled a hole; I no longer feel like I missed out on getting to know Katie, I now feel like I’ve known her for her entire life.
I heard a story today that stopped me in my tracks, Katie’s dad Richard spoke about a few candid conversations he had with Katie when her appearance started to change. The meds that she was on caused Katie to gain weight, and her skin began to stretch, and scars appeared. Richard asked her how she felt about her scars. Katie’s answer was simple but meaningful; she said Jesus had scars, so I’m okay with my scars.
As I wrote that last paragraph, I took off my watch underneath my watch is a smile shaped scar. I stare at it, wondering if I cover it because I am ashamed or because I like to wear my watch on my left wrist. Even now, Katie is giving me a lot to think about you know what I think she would tell me, stop covering up your scar in public. You see I only wear my watch when I leave the house. So don’t be surprised if you see my scar.
When I was a premature baby, they had to give me fluids and nutrients through an IV. My skin didn’t stretch as it should have, so when the IV was taken out, my skin stayed bunched together, forming what I call a smile.
Last but not least I usually don’t do well with funerals, celebrations of life. I usually lose my cool and blubber out loud, before I left my house today. I saw #KatieWon as Richard’s Facebook photo reminded me what I wrote just a few days ago. My face was stained with tears every time I felt like blubbering. I would silently remind myself #Katiewon allowing me to keep my composure, which means I was able to hear some excellent stories and see some wonderful pictures and videos.
Katie, I’m glad I that I got to meet you for the first time today. As I said before, the Gaspard family was a part of Crossroads Church for a long time. Funny story, I’ve been to the Gaspard house for what they called a pie meeting to discuss the new church when it was being built. We discussed the church and ate pie. Richard and Daphne hosted the party downstairs, and the girls stayed upstairs. Every once in a while I would hear giggling and slamming of the door. After what I heard and saw today. I can only assume that it was Katie causing mischief upstairs. I guess they were right today everyone has a Katie story.
Katherine McKinzie Gaspard
October 6, 2000-July 20, 2017
The Lord doesn’t enjoy sending grief or pain. Lamentations 3:33
(CEV) Contemporary English Version
I’ve talked about a very loving family in my home church twice before I have lovingly referred to them as the warrior family. Daddy, Warrior Mama Warrior, Songbird Warrior, and Courageous Warrior.
You may recall that Courageous Warrior had to put on her battle armor to fight MDS (pre-leukemia) in 2015
She would then receive a stem cell transplant on August 13, 2015. I knew in my mind that her fight was going to be long and hard, but my heart kept praying for a miracle. The Warrior family would post setbacks and positive updates. Some days Courageous Warrior would be out and about smiling and laughing and enjoying the day. Others she would be in constant pain making numerous trips in and out of the hospital.
She has had multiple surgeries and procedures to help repair the damage. Through it all, her faith shined through like one of those candles that no matter how hard you blow it never goes out.
On July 20, 2017, Courageous Warrior was called home to her eternal resting place in heaven.
When I received the news, it felt like someone just crushed my heart into a million pieces.
Even though I never got to meet Courageous Warrior. I feel like I know her through her faith driven fight
I want to be more like Courageous Warrior always faithful no matter what life threw at her.
Dedicated to the Warrior family, thank you for sharing your lives with us.
Day 183 Psalm 96-102
Open letter to Pastor Jeff Ables & Crossroads Church.
Today I saw someone that I haven’t seen in a long time. Our lead pastor Pastor Jeff Ables, no, I’m not trying to be funny. I’m trying to be honest; I started attending Crossroads Church around the age of 25 years old with my mom. I loved the atmosphere; it was relaxing and friendly. It felt like everyone could be themselves around each other. I would be disappointed to the point of devastation every time I had to miss church; it hurt my heart. I loved Saturday afternoon service.
Slowly but surely changes started to happen, no more Saturday service. Okay, it would take a while for me to accept that change. The newest and biggest church was built. State-of-the-art equipment. It was exciting, and then I started to feel disconnected from the church. I thought maybe it was too much at once. I needed more time to adjust. Then something devastating began to happen. Some of the people I’ve connected with ever since I started attending Crossroads Church started leaving. Half of me wanted to go half of me wanted to stay. I chose to stay, Pastor Jeff today you gave me a reason to keep believing in my faith. We don’t need the next best thing to help bring people to Christ. We just need you the man I met at the age of 25. Back when I first met you, you were excited about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It didn’t matter how many people you were standing in front of you were still excited as if you had a full house.
I just want to say welcome back I hope you stick around for a long time.
You know what hurts the most out of everything we feel? Not being able to mend fences or pay your respects to someone when they pass away. As everyone knows, I didn’t have the best experience at Sunset Elementary. You may find it funny that I am friends with the principal from when I was there and someone that substituted from time to time. Even though I didn’t have the best experience, Sunset Elementary. The school and staff were still part of my life.
My problem was I wanted everything to be perfect like at Alice Boucher Elementary. I know nothing can be perfect, I sure hoped that it could be, yes, I butted heads with everyone that tried to help me. It might sound harsh, but I don’t mean it to be that way. I felt like a guinea pig thrown into the wild for an experiment.
I met some wonderful people along the way and some people that I wish I would have gone easy on. You may be wondering what I mean by that, some of the staff worked with special needs students like myself. The minute they did something. I was uncomfortable with, I complained. I realize now that I might’ve been their first handicapped student able to learn in a regular class setting. I was very hard on them, which in return caused a lot of friction. Some things could’ve been avoided had we all had an open mind towards each other. Yes, I take my share of the blame. It’s time for me to look in the mirror and say I didn’t give them a fair chance from day one.
I would like to say I’m sorry to Mrs. Shirley James and the entire staff. I’m sorry for not giving you a fair chance to learn from me and about me. I’m sorry for being so closed off to anything and everything you and everyone had to offer. Yes, some situations could’ve been avoided had I changed my attitude early on and stopped comparing Sunset Elementary to Alice Boucher Elementary.
Earlier I mentioned not being able to mend fences or pay my final respects. Yesterday I learned of the passing of one of the people that helped me at Sunset Elementary. Even though Ms. Sue Henry and I butted heads. She was still a part of my life. I’m not exactly sure when she passed away. I just know that it has been some years now. No matter how long it’s been. I still wish her well and hope that she is resting in peace.
This has been both therapeutic and hard for me to write, I pray that you all read this with an open mind and heart. The moral of the story is not everything will be the way you want it in life you have to bend a little even though you don’t like change.
But God has blessed you because your eyes can see and your ears can hear! Matthew 13:16.
Forrest Gump had his magic shoes, I have my magic chair. This is an update to my previous blog about purchasing my wheelchair. It’s hard to imagine it’s been 16 days since the chair has been delivered.
I will try to explain what’s different with me, all positive changes.
1. I am able to sit the way I’m supposed to, I will try and show you with pictures.
Even now as I put these two pictures side by side, I am shocked by the difference.
2. I am able to look straight at you when I talk.
No headrest in the first picture, headrest in the second picture. As you can tell in the first picture, I am straining to talk which causes my head to go back. In the second picture, my head is stabilized by the headrest.
Note: muscular dystrophy is not the same as cerebral palsy. I was there donating money.
Unfortunately, I don’t have pictures demonstrating the rest of my list.I will try my best to explain.
3. Due to my head being supported by the headrest, I am able to eat and drink Without gasping for air and choking. That was one of the biggest problems. I hated eating and drinking in public because sooner or later I would cause a scene.
4. To those of you who have been around me for any period of time. You know that I get startled easily. This chair has cut down on what is called startle reflex, babies are born with this, it typically goes away after a while. Some cerebral palsy patients live with this, their entire life, I am one of them. I still get startled, but my body’s reaction is not as strong anymore.
5. Riding in the car was very painful before getting the new chair. Even though I was seatbelted in the chair and the car seat belt my body would still move hitting the sides of my wheelchair, causing pain and discomfort. I felt like a crash test dummy. Now my body gently sways without causing any pain.
6. I always had to have help pushing myself back into the right position, even with help I couldn’t get comfortable. Now with the tilt option, I am able to tilt myself all the way back and push myself in the correct position. It is perfect for when we are out away from home, and I need to adjust myself, for any reason. I used to have to wait until I got home to use my lift to help fix myself.
For those of you who don’t know this is what I am referring to. It attaches to a hook on a tracking system to the ceiling. I am then put into a sling which hooks onto the four little hooks you see in the picture. I am then able to be transferred out of the chair safely.
I am also able to tilt back and watch TV. My mom is also warming up to the tilt option, she is able to put on my shoes without bending all the way over to put them on.
7. It is much easier to exercise with my kettle because my head and neck are stabilized by the headrest. Without the headrest, I would pick up the kettlebells causing my head to go back which was very uncomfortable after a while.
You might be wondering why it took so long to get all the perfect options available to me. Believe me, I was wondering the same thing. The wheelchair industry has been a part of my life practically all my life. My body grew and changed, it was hard to keep up with what I needed. Now that I am a full grown adult. It is much easier to pinpoint what needs to be done.
I hope this blog helps those looking to buy a new wheelchair, my experience went so smoothly. I am sad that I don’t get to see the people from Action Rehab too much. I know I should look at it positively, I am glad that the chair is working the way it should, so they can concentrate on the people that really need the help. I’m just saying that these people are so friendly that I wish that I saw them more often.
I will leave the link to part I in case you missed it.
Our Lord and our God, you get these blessings to all who worship you. Psalm 144:45.
Note: this might take a while, I have so much to say. So much has been happening lately. I have to give credit where credit is due first and foremost to God for providing what I need when I need it.
God is awesome, sometime last year I found out that the company that helps modify my wheelchair closed down. I was devastated, I thought I would never find a group of people as knowledgeable as Advanced Medical Supplies & Services. My seat specialist at the time, Gene LeBlanc and I still keep in touch. I refuse to lose contact with someone like him.
One day I was having trouble with the suspension on my wheelchair, Gene took the time out to make some phone calls and put me in touch with Action Rehab. A few days later I met Keith Boudreaux and got reacquainted with Wesley Laverne. Wesley was with Advanced Medical Supplies & Services. I have to say it felt good to see a familiar face. They immediately got to work in the living room, this required them to get on the floor and take apart the wheelchair. As soon as they left. I told my mom that I am sticking with them.
I was looking at the possibility of purchasing a new wheelchair, my family and I knew it would take a while for it to come in, so we fixed the suspension before even starting the process of getting a new wheelchair. We were still shopping around for someone to help us coordinate everything. As soon as I met Keith Boudreaux, I saw how much he cared about his job. It usually takes me a while to get used to someone new.
When it came time to measure and evaluate me for the new chair, I wanted Gene around to help out. Lucky for me, Gene and Keith are childhood friends, so they were comfortable working with each other. Since Gene is no longer attached to a dealer, he is allowed to keep in contact with former clients. When I tell you I was afraid that I would lose touch with Gene, he had to reassure me more than once. Even though he now works with Quantum Rehab, a manufacturer he always finds time to answer questions. He allows me to check in with him from time to time, which I love.
Here is the timeline:
I was measured and evaluated from head to toe. Plus I got to test drive the wheelchair I was looking into on March 24, 2017.
After testing out some cushions and Internet research. My wheelchair was ordered on April 4, 2017.
All the parts to the wheelchair were assembled on April 25.
My new wheelchair was delivered on April 26, 2017.
Let me tell you they don’t just drop it off and go, they make sure everything feels comfortable and does what it’s supposed to do. I am still getting used to everything I am satisfied with the outcome. Some little things here and there need to be adjusted, it takes a few days before you know for sure if the wheelchair is exactly what you want and how you want it.
I’ve been crying ever since the chair arrived because I feel so blessed to have people like Keith Boudreaux, Wesley Laverne, and, Gene LeBlanc looking out for my best interest. A few surprise items that I didn’t even know I wanted/needed.
1. A headrest, the headrest helps keep my head straight, while talking, eating and drinking, and watching TV.
2. My newest favorite addition to the wheelchair, I have never had this function I get to tilt back like a recliner to relieve pressure on certain areas of my body. It is also good for watching TV and relaxing. You can see it in action in one of the pictures.
A funny story goes along with testing out the tilt function on the demonstration wheelchair. Gene tilted me back to show me how it works, my mom said oh no I can tell she is not comfortable with that function. I believe it was a few days later when we were pricing everything my mom comes back from putting some money down. She says Jessica they want to get the tilt function. I said if it helps me shift my body into the correct position. I would like to have it.
The day they delivered the chair and tilted me back to show how it works. My mom admitted that she was the one who has to get used to it. After Keith and Wesley left. My mom came into my room to check on me, and she found me tilted back watching TV. I think it shocked her that I was comfortable with it in no time flat.
The whole experience was smooth, I felt comfortable with everyone involved. I was able to voice my opinion and receive feedback at the same time.
I would like to thank Sunrise Medical, the manufacturer of the chair.
Gene LeBlanc, my former consultant for having my back when I needed help. We will always be in touch. If you need help with anything, you may contact Gene through his work email address gleblanc@quantumrehab.com
Action Rehab for going above and beyond all of my expectations. Their phone number is (337) 408-8192. Their address is 143 Industrial Pkwy Lafayette, LA 70508
Believe me, you will have the same type of service I have had. Five-star service!
If you decide to contact Gene or the folks at Action Rehab. Please give them time to respond to you. Some days are busier than others.
I was struggling with the title of this blog until I actually got the chair and realized that it was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I keep repeating this is such a blessing. I am so blessed! Thank you, God, for blessing me in so many ways you are good!
Let’s end this on a high note; I am back in workout mode again!I started again November 25, 2017. I didn’t want to wait until the new year began. I’m already feeling fantastic!
Blessed to be handicapped 