Limitations 3:33 The Lord doesn’t enjoy sending grief or pain.
Dear Uncle Raymond,
It’s been 258 days since my world fell off of its axis.
It’s been 258 days since my heart shattered into a million pieces.
It’s been 29 days since I started feeling like myself again.
I thought I was fine, but my mind and heart were not in sync with each other. My heart knew that you were in a better place. However, my mind kept focusing on the negative, the pain-and-suffering that you endured. Instead of continuing to focus on how blessed I am to carry all of these memories you left behind.
In December 2019. I decided I had enough wallowing in grief and sorrow. I made a New Year’s resolution to reconnect with God through the Bible. I know, I’m kicking myself for disconnecting from the Bible. I can hear your voice saying, why did you do that? I don’t have the right answer to that question. The devil made me quit is not a good excuse.
I have learned that once I reconnected with the Bible spiritually. I allowed God to put my heart back together and get my mind and spirit on speaking terms again. Not having you here still hurts, I’m learning to live with it while living my life the way it should be lived being happy and continuing to love the people I can see here on earth. I still love you with all my heart, along with those that have gone before you. I can’t keep dwelling on the fact that lung cancer ripped you from our lives, I know that you would agree with me on that one. Please remember that I was never angry at God for calling you home. I’m glad that you are in heaven, your earthly body was too sick to carry on. You are doing more important things up in heaven.
Let me tell you what else got me out of my grief. Listening to uplifting songs like these.
Every morning I play the songs in this order, then I am ready to conquer the day. Oh, but I am not done yet.
I still attend Crossroads Church, they are my second family! Sometimes things come up to where I have to miss the sermon in person, but I can watch it online.
I also follow an out-of-state church called Elevation Church.
I still struggle from time to time, when the Saints played their first game of the season. That was emotional when I realized you wouldn’t be texting or posting your thoughts to anyone.
All of this plus the Bible has gotten me back to where I want and need to be. So I can continue to strengthen my faith, so I don’t fall back into grief mode.
Well, until I see you again, continue resting in peace.
Love always and forever, Jessica
Blessed to be handicapped 
Jessica, your words are sooo profound. I love and miss my brother, my godfather, dearly, but had accepted God’s plan for him, so that he could no longer suffer. I am glad you have also, to be able to move on. We will never forget his silliness and his love! Thank you for your inspiration always!❤
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